For friends and family
Helping someone you care about
Before you speak
Four things to hold on to
Choose a private, unhurried moment.
Not in front of others, and not when either of you is rushed.
Aim to keep the relationship with you, not to win.
If they feel judged, they will hide things. If they feel safe, they will tell you.
You may need more than one conversation.
People often need time to hear a worry. Plant it gently and return to it.
You do not need proof.
You can say you are worried and why. Looking at signals together is enough.
Word for word
Things you can say
Use them as they are, or change the words so they sound like you. Each one says why it works.
“I have been thinking about you. I would love to hear more about this person. How did the two of you meet?”
Why it works: Curiosity keeps the door open. People defend a relationship against criticism, but they will talk about it when asked with interest.
“I am not here to tell you what to do. I care about you, and I want to understand what is happening.”
Why it works: It says up front that you are not taking control, which is what most people fear.
“Have you two been able to see each other on a live video call? What was that like?”
Why it works: It lets the person notice the gap themselves, without you saying a word about scams.
“Has money come up at all? Some people feel pressure about that, and I want you to know you can tell me anything.”
Why it works: It makes confessing safe. Shame is what keeps people silent.
“These frauds are run by organised groups who do it for a living. They work on smart, kind people. It could happen to anyone.”
Why it works: It separates the person from the blame. Official sources note that shame stops many people reporting.
“There is a private check that lists the common warning signs. Would you be willing to go through it with me? You choose what to tick, and nothing is saved.”
Why it works: It turns your worry into something you do together, and puts the person in charge.
“I hear you. I am not going anywhere. Could we look at just one thing together, to put my mind at rest?”
Why it works: Defensiveness is normal and usually means you have touched something true. Stay warm, and lower the stakes.
“Thank you for telling me. You have done nothing wrong. Let us call the bank together right now, because acting quickly can make a real difference.”
Why it works: Thanks first, then action. Speed matters, and so does not being punished for being honest.
“I am still here whatever happens. If anything changes, or something feels off, call me. I will not say I told you so.”
Why it works: Staying connected is the single most protective thing you can do. Scammers work by isolating people.
What to avoid
Words that close the door
“How could you fall for that?”
It shames, and shame closes the conversation. Try: “These are built to work on thoughtful people.”
“I told you so.”
It makes you an opponent. Try: “I am glad you told me.”
“Block them right now.”
It takes the decision away. Try: “What would help you feel safe about this?”
“It is definitely a scam.”
A flat verdict feels like an attack on their judgement. Try: “Can we check a few warning signs together?”
Demanding to read their messages.
It breaks trust. Offer to look at the signals together instead, at their pace.
Look at it side by side
Questions to explore together
- Have you been able to meet in person, or see each other on a live video call?
- Did the conversation move to a private app soon after you met?
- Has anyone asked you for money, a gift card, or help with an emergency?
- Has anyone suggested a way to invest or make money?
- Have you been asked to keep any of it quiet?
- How do you feel when you say no to a request?
Use the check together
The relationship check has a Together mode made for this. You read each statement aloud, the person decides whether it is true, and they do the ticking. It uses larger text, and nothing is saved.
If they are ready to act
Practical steps, with their agreement
- Offer to sit with them while they call the bank, using the number on their card or in their banking app. Let them speak, and add detail if they ask you to.
- If money has gone, do it now. Speed gives the best chance of stopping it.
- Ask the bank about payment limits, alerts and extra checks on new payees, if the person wants them.
- Help them report it to the official service in their country, and keep screenshots of messages and payments. See who to contact.
- Do not take over their accounts or devices without their say-so. Control feels like another loss.
- If anyone is threatening to share private images, do not pay, and use the blackmail help. If the person is under 18, share the teen page.
Look after yourself too
Watching someone you care about get hurt is hard, and you may feel angry, helpless or guilty. That is a normal reaction. You do not have to fix everything. Staying kind and available is a great deal. If it is weighing on you, talk to someone you trust or a support line (see Get help).