The pattern follows a sequence. You do not need to spot everything. Interrupting it at any one stage is enough, and the earlier the cheaper.
1
The approach
Someone finds you.
Contact begins out of the blue: a dating-app match, a friend request, or a message that looks like a wrong number. The AFP notes that romance baiting often starts with a cold text rather than a dating profile, and that the first message is often presented as an accident or fate.
What to look for
- You did not seek them. They found you.
- A first message that arrives 'by mistake' and turns into friendship.
- A profile that looks polished, wealthy, or too good to be true.
What to do
- Take your time. Nothing about a stranger is urgent.
- Look up their photos and story yourself and see whether they appear elsewhere under other names. Finding nothing proves little, since AI-generated photos may not appear anywhere else.
- Keep personal details, your workplace, and your finances out of early chats.
Sources: Australian Federal Police, 21 January 2024; Whitty, 2013
2
Fast closeness
Trust is built quickly, and moved somewhere private.
Messages become daily and intense. Pet names and declarations of love arrive within weeks. The conversation is moved from the dating or social platform to a private app, and meeting in person or on live video keeps being postponed. Research on scam manuals shows these behaviours are scripted and deliberately practised.
What to look for
- Declarations of love or 'soulmate' language within days or weeks.
- A request to move to WhatsApp, Telegram, or another private app.
- Always a reason they cannot meet, or cannot show their face on a live video call.
- Hurt or anger when you are slow to reply.
What to do
- Ask for a live video call. Constant excuses are a warning sign, but a successful call is not proof: fake video and cloned voices are now used in these scams.
- Tell a friend or relative about the relationship. Secrecy is the scammer's advantage.
- Notice how you feel when you say no to a request. Pressure is information.
Sources: Australian Federal Police, 21 January 2024; Whitty, 2013; Asyalı, 2026; Financial Conduct Authority, Multi-firm review
3
Money enters the conversation
Wealth, an emergency, or an opportunity appears.
Money comes up in the same breath as the future. The other person mentions a successful investment, a blocked account, a medical bill, or a business problem. In romance baiting, they offer to show you how they make money, often through a platform that looks like a real exchange.
What to look for
- A partner you have never met who tells you about a profitable trading or crypto 'method'.
- An emergency, debt, or blocked account described in detail.
- Plans for the future that quickly involve shared money.
What to do
- Treat any investment tip from someone you met online as a warning sign, however kind they have been.
- Do not install apps or open accounts on websites they recommend.
- Say out loud: 'I never send money to someone I have not met in person.' See how they respond.
Sources: Australian Federal Police, 21 January 2024; Asyalı, 2026
4
A small ask
A low-value request tests whether you will pay.
The first request is small: a top-up, a gift card, a few hundred in crypto, 'just this once'. The FCA found that fraudsters often begin with low-value payments, which reinforce trust and usually look normal in a bank's data.
What to look for
- A small payment request from someone you have not met.
- A request to try a trading website or app, with a small first deposit.
- A first-ever crypto purchase, or a new payee, linked to this relationship.
What to do
- Stop here. This is the cheapest place to break the pattern.
- Do not send the first payment, even a small one. The goal of the small ask is to make the larger ones feel natural.
- Tell your bank that someone you met online has asked for money.
Sources: Financial Conduct Authority, Multi-firm review; Australian Federal Police, 21 January 2024
5
Bigger, and secret
Amounts grow, and you are told to hide it.
Requests become larger and more frequent. People are encouraged to borrow, sell assets, or use retirement savings. They may be told to keep the relationship secret or to give bank staff a different reason for the payment. The fake platform shows impressive profits.
What to look for
- Repeated payments, often several to the same new payee on the same day.
- Pressure to act quickly, or to take a loan.
- Instructions to tell your bank or family something untrue.
What to do
- Pause every payment. Call your bank using the number on your card or in your banking app.
- Tell the bank the real reason. Bank fraud teams see these scams every day, and they are there to help.
- If anyone tells you to hide a payment from your bank, treat that alone as proof of a scam.
Sources: Financial Conduct Authority, Multi-firm review; Australian Federal Police, 21 January 2024
6
The trap closes
Fees block your money; threats or silence follow.
When the person tries to withdraw 'profits', they are told to pay a fee, a tax, or a 'verification' charge first. Some victims are threatened with the release of intimate images. Others are contacted by a 'recovery service' that targets victims a second time. The relationship then ends, often without warning.
What to look for
- A charge to release money you thought was yours.
- A threat to share private images or messages unless you pay.
- A stranger offering to recover your money for an upfront fee.
What to do
- Do not pay anything more, even if it feels like the last step. It never is.
- If you are being threatened, stop contact, do not pay, keep screenshots, and report. This is a crime and it is not your fault.
- Report quickly. Fast reports give the best chance of freezing money before it moves on.
Sources: Australian Federal Police, 21 January 2024; National Anti-Scam Centre, March 2026